Dear Salesforce

I’ve just got another not-so-friendly email from you. This isn’t the first time. And it’s starting to affect our relationship. So much so that I’m leaving you. I know you’ll probably feel hurt, after all, we’ve had a good three years together. I’d love to be able to say it’s not you it’s me but I’d be lying.

See the thing is you treat me like a child.

I’m a reasonably tech-savvy business owner, but not an IT specialist. I wonder if most of your customers have IT teams, I don’t know. But we’re not talking about other people, this is about you and me and how your emails make me feel.

REMINDER: ACTION REQUIRED:

I heard you, no need to shout!

This is the fourth notification of the EU2 instance migration maintenance.

OK, I’m really sorry I missed the last three notifications (actually I didn’t, but still). Now I feel like 5-year-old being told off at school. Is that really how you want your customers to feel? Or maybe it’s just me and I need to get some therapy (maybe couples counseling?).

As an admin of a Salesforce org on the EU2 instance

So, um, I think I’m an admin, but don’t forget, I’m not part of an IT team. So what on earth is an ‘EU2 instance’? ‘Instance’ sounds like a word that means one thing in your world, that’s become jargon at Salesforce, or the industry. Maybe it is me, not you…

In order to provide exceptional performance, availability, and reliability of our service, we occasionally need to perform a capacity planning activity, called an instance migration, where we move all customers on an existing Salesforce instance in one data center to another data center.

Ok, I think I understand that (we’ll leave the length of that sentence to one side). But wouldn’t you do the capacity planning first, then that tells you if you need to migrate?

This takes place during your standard system maintenance window.

I was looking out of the window just now, and I can’t see any system maintenance. But somehow I feel reassured that this is standard. I’m wondering if there’s a glimmer of hope for our relationship!

We monitor the growth and performance of all of our instances

Nope, we’re back to instances. How many do you have?

Based on that assessment, the decision was made to migrate the EU2 instance.

Who made the decision? No-one talked to me about it? What if I don’t want to migrate my instance? Relationships are a two-way thing you know. You don’t talk to me and can’t remember the last time you took me for a nice dinner.

I think we have to part ways, you could have saved things so easily. Straightforward emails written in a friendly tone would have made (sob) all the difference. If you ever change your mind and want to start communicating human to human you know where I am.

X
Ben